10.09.2011
2 03.09.2011 Difference between Friend & Wife
R.B.Kishore
316.10.2011 Fwd: Fw: Mind Blowing......
"srinivasan pattoo"
4 20.10.2011 Prison vs Work
"ramanujam kishore"
5 20.10.2011 Fw: when husband and wife quarrel in poetry
: "ramanujam kishore"
6 23.10.2011 Fwd: Fw: Fwd: FW: LAWYER vs SENIOR CITIZEN [1 Attachment]
"srinivasan pattoo"
7 1.11.2011 Fwd: Fw: Female Email of the year Monday, October 31, 2011 8:04 PM
From: "srinivasan pattoo" spattoo@gmail.com
8 4.11.2011 Fw: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
November 4, 2011 9:26 PM
From: "srinivasan pattoo"
9 8.11.2011
Fw: Hilarious Signs All Over The World
Sunday, November 6, 2011 8:00 PM
From: "Seetha And Kishore"
:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 10.09.2011
Fw: Happy Marriage & 2)WHAT CONFUCIUS SAYS
FROM:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
2 03.09.2011 - R.B.Kishore
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
............
.............
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3 16.10.2011
Fwd: Fw: Mind Blowing......
From:
"srinivasan pattoo"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 20.10.2011
Prison vs Work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer:
@ PRISON
You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
@ WORK
You spend the majority of your time
In an 6X6 cubicle /office
@ PRISON
You get three meals a day fully paid for
@ WORK
You get a break for one meal and
You have to pay for it
@ PRISON
You get time off for good behavior You get more work for good behavior
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK
You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
@ PRISON
You can watch TV and play games
@ WORK
You could get fired for watching
TV and playing games
@ PRISON
You get your own toilet
@ WORK
You have to share the toilet with
some people who pee on the seat
@ PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK
You aren't even supposed to speak
to your family
@ PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK
You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
@ PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK
You spend most of your time wanting
to get out and go inside bars
@ PRISON
You must deal with sadistic wardens
@WORK
They are called managers
Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5 20.10.2011
Fw: when husband and wife quarrel in poetryThursday, October 20, 2011 11:26 PMFrom: "ramanujam kishore"
This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife
Instead of resorting to physical force...
Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
AND THE SAGA CONTINUES........
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...
.....................................................................
"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
........................................................................
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
................................................................
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
...........................................................................
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.
.................................................................
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
...................................................................
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
....................................................................
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!
and the life goes on........!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a joyful life !
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 23.10.2011
Fwd: Fw: Fwd: FW: LAWYER vs SENIOR CITIZEN [1 Attachment]
Sunday, October 23, 2011 5:52 AM 7 1.11.2011
Fwd: Fw: Female Email of the year
Monday, October 31, 2011 8:04 PM
From: "srinivasan pattoo" spattoo@gmail.com
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.'
God, in his infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank
to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box
and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do
their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he
did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops
and snapped
fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
and, though his daily chores
weren't finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to
make love, which he managed
to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke
and immediately knelt by the
bed and said: -
Lord, I don't know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
wife's being able to stay
home all day.
Please, Oh! Please,
let us trade back.. Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
things back to the way
they were.
You'll just have to wait
nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8 4.11.2011
: Fw: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
November 4, 2011 9:26 PM
From: "srinivasan pattoo"
oginal Message ----
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN HINGLISH! Hilarious !!!
This is an actual letter
(taken from The Times of India ) in response to a `Marriage Proposal'
advertisement.
Madam, I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna . I am
seeing your advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper.
So I decide to press myself on you and I am hopping you will make the
& marriage with me.
I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside
Patna . I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna
only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School , Bezna
Road . I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body
is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly.
I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a
good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the
; balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are
afraiding my balls. Balls are bouncing too much high. That is very
danger for them.
I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am
; happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft
because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on
top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad
things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it
not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so. I am keep fitting
everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything.
Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I
pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing
everywhere.
am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday
open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living
with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own
; hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you
will come and take my things into your hands.
Madam, if you are marrying me, I am telling you, I will be hardly
loving you everyday. If you are not marrying me then I will press you
and press you until you come. I am at your feet and slowing looking up,
with hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply why because I am
stiff with excitement and anticipation.
Expecting good answer and replies to me in the future.
Namaste.
Yours,
Hiralal
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9 8.11.2011
Fw: Hilarious Signs All Over The World
Sunday, November 6, 2011 8:00 PM
From: "Seetha And Kishore"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 20.10.2011
From:
"ramanujam kishore"
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer:
@ PRISON
You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
@ WORK
You spend the majority of your time
In an 6X6 cubicle /office
@ PRISON
You get three meals a day fully paid for
@ WORK
You get a break for one meal and
You have to pay for it
@ PRISON
You get time off for good behavior You get more work for good behavior
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK
You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
@ PRISON
You can watch TV and play games
@ WORK
You could get fired for watching
TV and playing games
@ PRISON
You get your own toilet
@ WORK
You have to share the toilet with
some people who pee on the seat
@ PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK
You aren't even supposed to speak
to your family
@ PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK
You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
@ PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK
You spend most of your time wanting
to get out and go inside bars
@ PRISON
You must deal with sadistic wardens
@WORK
They are called managers
Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5 20.10.2011
Fw: when husband and wife quarrel in poetryThursday, October 20, 2011 11:26 PMFrom: "ramanujam kishore"
This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife
Instead of resorting to physical force...
Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
AND THE SAGA CONTINUES........
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...
.....................................................................
"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
........................................................................
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
................................................................
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
...........................................................................
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.
.................................................................
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
...................................................................
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
....................................................................
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!
and the life goes on........!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a joyful life !
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 23.10.2011
Fwd: Fw: Fwd: FW: LAWYER vs SENIOR CITIZEN [1 Attachment]
From:
"srinivasan pattoo"
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are
so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing
the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the story: Do not mess with a senior citizen!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are
so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing
the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the story: Do not mess with a senior citizen!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fwd: Fw: Female Email of the year
Monday, October 31, 2011 8:04 PM
From: "srinivasan pattoo" spattoo@gmail.com
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.'
God, in his infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank
to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box
and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do
their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he
did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops
and snapped
fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
and, though his daily chores
weren't finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to
make love, which he managed
to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke
and immediately knelt by the
bed and said: -
Lord, I don't know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
wife's being able to stay
home all day.
Please, Oh! Please,
let us trade back.. Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
things back to the way
they were.
You'll just have to wait
nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8 4.11.2011
: Fw: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
November 4, 2011 9:26 PM
From: "srinivasan pattoo"
oginal Message ----
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN HINGLISH! Hilarious !!!
This is an actual letter
(taken from The Times of India ) in response to a `Marriage Proposal'
advertisement.
Madam, I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna . I am
seeing your advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper.
So I decide to press myself on you and I am hopping you will make the
& marriage with me.
I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside
Patna . I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna
only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School , Bezna
Road . I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body
is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly.
I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a
good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the
; balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are
afraiding my balls. Balls are bouncing too much high. That is very
danger for them.
I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am
; happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft
because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on
top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad
things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it
not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so. I am keep fitting
everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything.
Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I
pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing
everywhere.
am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday
open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living
with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own
; hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you
will come and take my things into your hands.
Madam, if you are marrying me, I am telling you, I will be hardly
loving you everyday. If you are not marrying me then I will press you
and press you until you come. I am at your feet and slowing looking up,
with hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply why because I am
stiff with excitement and anticipation.
Expecting good answer and replies to me in the future.
Namaste.
Yours,
Hiralal
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9 8.11.2011
Fw: Hilarious Signs All Over The World
Sunday, November 6, 2011 8:00 PM
From: "Seetha And Kishore"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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